我的一个美国朋友的博客 陆庭阁

On why I don't hate China
Posted at 11:21 PM
Posting about this censorship stuff, like in the previous post, made me feel a little bit guilty. I don't want you guys to think that I don't like China, or that I don't want to go back there. (Seriously, I do want to go back, as soon as possible) Therefore, I want to say one thing:

Every Chinese person I met in China made me smile. Despite whatever government restrictions might be on them, Chinese people themselves must be the most delightfully candid people on the planet. I still remember when my language partner said, "Next time we go out to eat, we can invite your very handsome roommate!" In America, we just don't say things like that. Not because it wasn't an accurate statement (my roommate was indeed handsome), but because we have too many built up defense mechanisms against exposing our true thoughts. American praise is couched in body language, or the occasional smile. We will also never say, "That girl is very beautiful." Such directness simply doesn't exist in American culture anymore. It has been replaced with euphemisms like "hot" and "fine". Oddly enough, I feel the most free when speaking Chinese, because I can say really direct, personal statements and not feel like a jerk.

I'm not sure if my Chinese readers will quite understand what I'm trying to say. What I mean is: American culture leaves so much unspoken and unwritten that sometimes it feels like we aren't saying anything, except for the sweet nothing language of the public sphere.

An example: I got the feeling while at the Duke Program that the 小老师们were getting a little annoyed, or at least highly amused, with the American students, because we said “谢谢”and "对不起“ about once every four seconds. The Chinese position on this issue actually makes a lot of sense: if someone is your friend, there should really be no need to continually thank them. In America, though, there is this sense that everyone except ourselves is part of the public sphere, and should be treated as such. In America, we don't even say that another person is our friend. Doing that would leave us too open, too exposed. Maybe so, but important things need to be said.

I was going to write more, but I should go to bed. I'll finish the rest of this thought tomorrow. My point is: I don't dislike Chinese people. Our time in the Duke program together and the emails I still receive remind me of warmth that has long been lost in American culture. It had been many years since I heard the word "friend".


我很感谢他能这样想，他让我看到了中国文化的真诚。不同的生活语言能够体现人和人之间的关系，在杜克项目我确实听到了很多的谢谢，让我很不习惯。这些谢谢和对不起，让我懂得了应该更多的尊重别人和他们的私人空间，表达自己的感谢。中国人可能很少用语言真心的表达我们的谢意，扪心自问，爸爸妈妈的辛苦都是为了我，可是我却没有认真地对他们说声谢谢；我的朋友在我生病和思想混乱的时候帮助我，我也没有谢过他们，而且在伤害了他们的时候没有对他们说声对不起。这一次，我想对我的朋友、亲人说声谢谢，谢谢一直以来对我的帮助和支持；对于我曾经的疏忽和过错，对大家说声对不起。